Lyrics
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Mommy I'm Sorry

THE FAIRIES CAME

(This page is incomplete, there are many more lyrics to come!)

I met a boy in a bar last night, he smiled and I saw his wiggly tooth.
I pulled it out, put it under his pillow that night.
The fairies came into his room.

The fairies came,
The fairies came,
The fairies came that night.
The fairies came (into his room).

Worked on a barge in Ontario.
The captain was a slimy fucking drunk.
We hit a reef, and it was scary-o,
The oil all leaked out and then we sunk.

Chorus: (...and drove us home)

I met a girl on a ferry boat.
She had wings and gold dust in her teeth.
Then I reached down and felt her majic wand and I realized that she was just like me!

Chorus: (...and turned out to be my best friend Carl)

Walked on a bridge, walked on a bridge. Oh where's my bridge?

I got a job at a fast food joint,
I sold Coke and straws by the pound.
My fairy godmother laughed at me, and she kicked my sorry ass right out of town.

Chorus

She kicked my ass,
She kicked my ass,
She kicked my sorry ass.
She kicked my ass right out of town.

(Repeat first verse and Chorus)


LOCKJAW

I look outside, the sky is grey, and the clouds are filled with rain.
It makes me jealous how it open up and I'm stuck inside again.
I'm like a sitcom polyester family inside my T.V.
I'm the boy in the bubble and you can't touch me.
I'll never open up, I'm never coming out and

I fear every time when the government calls, I'm absent hiding in my closet.
I feel like a news correspondent.
Got lockjaw, can't tell you that I love you.
Got lockjaw, can't tell you that I love you.

I stand in the mirror and I pull my hair out.
I can't control my thoughts.
I wonder why my eyes are dry as a desert, my stomach's tied in knots.
I'm like a freakshow sitting on a sidewalk, my outline drawn in chalk.
I freeze everytime I hear the phone ring.
I'll never hear you knock.
I'll never open up. I'm never coming out and

(Chorus)

I thumb through magazines to garner love facts.
Cosmo's got seven tips.
I pick up the phone and I try to call you,
No words, just frozen lips.
I send a message but, you know it's always cryptic- no sound on my T.V.
I'm the boy in the bubble and you can't touch me.
I'll never open up.
I'm never coming out and

(Chorus)


DICK'S AUTOMOTIVE

John was living in Ocean Beach California with his girlfriend Julie when he decided one day, "Hey Jule... Let's move up north to northern California, where the air is clear, the skies are blue, and they have more traditional family values. Whadd'ya say, Jule?"
So, they loaded up their car and they moved up north to the Santa Cruz mountains near the Byantine winery into a one bedroom trailor behind the bowling ally- two blocks from the supermarket and one more block to the south

Of Dick's Automotive, Dick's Automotive, Dick's Automotive, Dick's Automotive.

John applied for a job at Dick's Automotive and Dick came to the door and he said "Tell me Johnny boy, can you rotate the tires on a 72' Suburu?" He said "No".
"Well, then can you change the oil in a 76' Pinto?" He said "No".
"Well, can you rebuild a Holly 4- barrel carbuerator on a 69' Camaro with a big old Hearse shift rod?" He said, "Uh, No".
"Well, do you have a girlfriend with long, red, curly hair, creamy milk white thighs, big full lips, biceps like Henry Rollings and can she just scream like a Hyena in the summer?" And he said "Yes!" and Dick said "Boy, then you're hired

At Dick's Automotive...

(This song has HEAPS more lyrics so, I'll add onto it every now and then).


THIS FLOOD

It must have rained two weeks last summer.
When the ice-cream man cancelled, it was such a fuckin' bummer.
We were floating down the streets lying naked in a raft.
I was honing and practising my love making craft.
I was honing it, and I held ya.

When the weather man said he couldn't grant us a reprieve, you were gettin' on my nerves, and I wanted you to leave.
Well, you test me everyday, you're like a bug up my nose.
I swear I'm gonna leve you, but you keep me on my toes, on my toes.
Let me hold you.

Well, you'r the one for me, I can't leave you.
You nasty little bitch, I ain't ever gonna free ya.
With the lipstick and the passion and the power and the blood, I'm gonna keep you as my hostage in this neverending flood, in this flood.

If it rings and it's your mother, then I'll fill it full of buckshot.
If the sun comes up tomorrow, then I guess I'll take your cuffs off.
When you wiggle from the pain, I like the way you twist your spine.
It's special moments like these that let me know that you're mine.
I know you're mine.
Let me hold ya.

Well you're the one for me... (Chorus)

My love is like a fire, I guess you'd call it two-fisted.
Some people say I'm sick.
They don't understand I'm twisted.
Don't let the bruises scare your friends.
We can cover them with make-up.
You know I'll always love you. You'll always be my buttercup, you'll be my buttercup.
Let me hold ya.

(Chorus)


SKYFUCKINGLINE OF TORONTO

Skyfuckingline of Toronto!
Skyfuckingline of Toronto!
There's a girl out there wants to bonto beneath the skyfuckingline of Toronto.
You can come along with me if you want to.
We'll watch the skyfuckingline of Toronto.

Skyfuckingline of Toronto!
Skyfuckingline of Toronto!
I need a big old vodka Clamato.
We'll watch the skyfuckingline of Toronto.
You can come along with me if you want to.
We'll watch the skyfuckingline of Toronto.

I've got a sister named Jake who thinks she's a man.
Shaves half a leg, got half a suntan, sell peanuts and Cokes for the Jays in the stands on the weekends collecting aluminium cans.
She says come along with me if you want to.
We'll watch the skyfuckingline of Toronto.


SESAME STREET

Sunny day, blah, blah, blah to Sesame Street.
Sunny day
Chasing the clouds away
Find my way
To where the air is sweet
Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street
How to get to Sesame Street

Come and play
Everything's a-ok
Friendly neighbors there
For all to meet
Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street
How to get to Sesame Street.




Morning Wood

SINGLE LIFE

There's a cold piece of pizza in the fridge if you want it.
A stale glass of beer on the table by the Playboys.
Did you see Miss March? Gosh, she looks young!
This single life, it sure is fun.

Well, we could go to the lounge at the Holiday Inn.
Hear my favourite band play the latest Michael Jackson song about a boy with a really nice bike (and 10 million dollars).
This single life, it sure is fun.

We'll snort some cocaine in the bathroom by the condom dispenser.
Talk about the barmaid, "Hey, I hear she'll take her pants off if you drive a Camaro".
Life just seems better.
This single life, it sure is fun.

Well, I am still a young man.
It's really pretty cool.
My friends, they're old and married.
What a bunch of stupid fools.

We'll meen some chicks at the bar and collect all our pennies.
Stumble to our cars, we'll drive real fast to Denny's.
I'll put my hand up her skirt.
We'll eat a couple of Grand Slams and I'll find out that she's a man.
This single life, it sure is fun.

Well in the morning when you wake up, there's a dental hygienest lying in your bed.
She really thinks you're a dentist.
You said you'd give her a job and then you take her to see Snoop Doggy Dogg's gun collection.
This single life, it sure is fun.

There's a cold piece of pizza in the fridge if you want it.
A bottle of aspirin on the table by the Playboys.
Did you see Miss April? Gosh, I feel so old!
This single life, it sure is fun.


GOLD'S GYM GUY

Why you going out with that Gold Gym's guy?
I saw you kissing him on the 4th of July.
Baby can't you see I've got tears in my eyes?
Why you going out with that Gold Gym's guy?

Baby's got a thing for muscle bound jocks.
I collapse a lung just taking off my socks.
I'm hulled up in the closet and I'm pettin' my fox.
She treats me like I've got a bad case of small cocks, but

Why you going out with that...

(Chorus)

He's got a big truck, and it's bigger than my dump.
It's bigger than the bank account of Donald Trump.
It's bigger than the feeling that I've got in my rump.
He's got as many brains as a gasoline pump, but

(Chorus)

He shaves his legs and so I ask him if he was bi.
He grabbed me 'round the throat and said "Prepare to die!"
Everybody says that I'm a nicer guy.
He's like a malathion, I'm a simple med fly, but

(Chorus)


PITBULL

Honey, do you think we could start all over?
You could go back to school.
We could rent a house out in Arizona.
I hear they all have swimming pools.
I've been working on a hybrid fertilizer.
I hear it makes the lettuce big.
I could get some cash down at Harry's pawn shop and you could get a singing gig.

And we could buy a pitbull, and name him after Harry.
We could be famous.
Then we'll get married.
Marriiiieeeeeiiiieeiiiieeeeeiiieeeed.

Well baby doll, believe me when I say I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to take your share.
But, it seems that this is cut with so much baking soda that it's making me pull out my hair.

I've been working on a toaster that can fry a lambchomp, if I could get the wiring right.
By Christmas time next year, I'm gonna have a patent and everything'll be alright.

And we could buy a... (Chorus)

Well, sweetness, do you think that we could have a yard sale?
All this dust is making my eyes sting.
We could fix the brakes and with the extra money, I could by a wedding ring.
I've been working on a tractor that could lift a building.
I'm gonna try it out tonight.
I'm gonna lift that stinkin' bank up and take all their money.
You just stay right here, sit tight.

(Chorus)

Well, honey, do you think that we could start all over?
You could go back to school.


MY BOYFRIEND

My boyfriend, he's so sexy, he takes me all the way to Mexico.
He don't care if I dance with other fellas, he's a gentle bear, he ain't a big gorilla, no.

We could eat French food or hit a greasy diner.
He can guzzle beer somethin' finer.
You give me any grief, he'll give you a shiner, he's as tough as an old coal miner.
And best of all, he ain't no snivelin' whiner, 'cause

My boyfriend... (Chorus)

He's got a bitchin car and it's really nice.
He's my Latin lover, he's got lots of spice, gonna put me in the movies no matter the price.
We go together like beans and rice, he wears his hair like Jesus Christ.

(Chorus)

I've searched the city streets, jumped off the world trade centre but, I landed on my feet.
He picks me up at eight and he goes "beep, beep, beep".
I slide right down the stairs into his naugahyde seats.
He opens up the glovebox, hands me some treats.
A wrist corsage and some chocolate sweets. Chocolate sweets!

(Chorus)

If I don't want to walk, then we take a cab.
He's as courageous as captain Ahab.
Lemme tell ya folks, he's so fab.
He stuck with me through drug rehab.
He carries my cup to the urine sample lab because,

(Chorus)


I WANT TO LEARN ABOUT LOVE

My mouth was just as dry as the tampon dispenser in the women's bathroom at the Oceanside bus station.
A constipated woman barged in on me and said "Eek! A boy! Get out before I call queer nation!"
But, the police did arrive and they said "What's with this guy ? He's been watching these women pee, doin' a study like he's doctor Leaky just to learn about love".

But, I want to learn about love.
Yeah, I want to learn about love.
Yeah, I want to learn about love.
can you show me today?

Well, I walked into the adult bookstore and my heart was beating louder than the drums at the tip of Zimbabwe.
They never tought me nothin' 'bout this in Catholic school.
They only said, if I was bad, that I would incur the wrath of Mr. Yahweh.
But, the bodies were uncurled, and they screamed and moaned and hurled.
And the boys were dressed as girls, and the women got splashed with pearls and they said it was love.

But, I want to learn about love... (Chorus)

Well, I cruised the red light zone, but I still felt all alone, and I turned a nasty trick and I drank till I got sick.
I'm sick, I'm so sick, I'm so... sick.

Well, I watched Oprah the other day. There were some mothers on the show that decided to screw thir daughter's boyfriends.
The daughters were mad and the boyfriends were glad, because they got an education by burnin' the candle at both ends.
Oprah's dress was canary yellow, and I think that she fancied that fellow and the crotch in his corduroys bulged, and the truth it was soon divulged when they taught us 'bout love.

(Chorus)


HOLLISTON STREET

We lived on Holliston street in the 60's.
We didn't need much back then, just a smile.
Daddy would sing and buy us ice-cream, and we would listen.
Uncle Louis would come over for dinner on Sunday's.
He played piano for my sister, Kath and I'd stand behind and imitate him, and she would laugh and he'd get mad.

And if I knew then, what I know now, I wouldn't rush the growing old.
I'd take the flu, the measles and the blues and I guess I'd do as I was told.

Kathy would walk up ahead and I'd follow.
She seemed so big back then, and me so small.
And mommy would give me one dime and her two nickles, and I would cry 'cause she got more.

And if I knew then, what I know now... (Chorus)

They let us stay up real late to watch Ed Sullivan.
We saw The Beatles two times that year.
Daddy would laugh and say "Look at that dumb hair!"
But, I liked John, and then I loved John.
I gave up candy for Lent in the Springtime.
Mommy was proud and so were the nuns.
I thought it was O.K. to eat the candy if the wrapper was still on.
I was just sucking out the juices- the juices of life.

(Chorus)


FOOTBALL TONITE

Sweep up the kitchen, hurry and do the dishes, bring me a beer.
Maybe I'll let you go out with your other bitches.
Sweep up the kitchen, could you turn off the damn lights?
Fetch me the remote control, we got football tonight, football tonight, football tonight.

Did I tell you last week when you cooked for me, that fried chicken was a little bit too greasy?
Them carrots that you boiled weren't cooked enough, now when you gonna get something right?
Get off your duff!

Sweep up the kitchen, hurry and do the dishes... (Chorus)

Well, thy told me last week at work that my shirts, they really weren't ironed that well.
They told me last week at work that my shirts, they really weren't ironed that well, you said "Oh well".

(Chorus)

Been tellin' all your friends that I drink too much.
Whiskey in the morning and it ain't no crutch.
I never have time to take a big shit, man you're always listening to that damn Slim Whitman.
Runnin''round the house with your shower cap on, curlers in your hair and your toenails long.
Chunky bar breath and your enquiring mind.
When I see you in the morning, looking like a pork rind, you sniffel to your momma and say you can't cope.
Well this ain't "Thirty-Something" and you ain't hope.

(Chorus)


RIOTING

They're rioting in my front yard.
They're sending in the National Guard, people lootin', people shootin', baby I ain't just tootin' my horn.
They're rioting in my front yard.

They're grabbin' all the beer and diapers, and don't forget the windsheild wipers.
Fifty pairs - who cares?
Man, we'll sell em' at the fair, oh yeah, they're rioting in my front yard.

They're burning Manny, Moe and Jack- The Pep boys got a broken back.
They're stealing clothes and breaking toes.
Hey, did you see that broken nose?
Oh man, they're rioting in my front yard.

The news you can't miss, no.
It looks like a hit show.
The choppers are taking to the air.
The walls are coming down.
Oh yeah, they're burning up this town.
At least the ratings will be up this year. (Burn baby, burn!)

Now, Rodney King may not have been a saint, but what they did to him could make you faint.
We hear the whip, we hear the crack, and just because his skin was black.
Now, they're rioting in my front yard.

Now a man ain't got a reason to smile if he gets a beating without a trial.
Hey, wouldn't you be pissed if they said, Gorilla's in the Mist.
And now, they're rioting in my front yard.

Half these people haven't got a clue.
They're stealing clothes and saying "Rodney who?"
They've got it all wrong, it seems we'll never get along.
And now, they're rioting in my front yard.


HITCH-HIKER JOE

Don't pick up hitch-hiker Joe.
He'll slit your throat and cut off your big toe.
I tell you, he'll make you smile from ear to ear, gonna lock you in a trunk for ninety-nine years.

I had a cousin who came from Vermont.
Next thing I know, that cousin was gone.
Truck driver saw him picking up hitch-hiker Joe.
Now his spleens on the sidewalk helping flowers grow.

Don't pick up hitch-hiker Joe... (Chorus)

My best friend Eddie called from L.A.
Said we'd have dinner later that day.
I've got a feeling and it's more than a hunch.
My poor friend Eddie was that hitch-hiker's lunch.

(Chorus)

Hitch-hiker Joe ain't no vegetarian.
If you see him on the highway, steer clear of him.
Got a knife in his sock and a razor up his sleeve and a chainsaw in his pack.
He's gonna make you bleed.

My girlfriend Lois, called from Talahassee.
She picked up that dude at the Spam factory.
That was the last time that I saw her smile.
My best advice is don't eat Spam for a while.

(Chorus)


MY CARPHONE'S ON THE PILL

My carphone's on the pill and my girlfriend's got call waiting.
Satan's in the bagels and my toaster's masturbating.
My computer has hard drive and my disk is always floppy.
My Xerox has the runs and it won't stop shitting copies. Help me!

My paper wants some coffee and my mother needs recycling.
My fax is getting acne and it needs some tetracyclene.
My dog is late for school and my son pissed on the floor.
The percolator's drooling and the baby's at the store, would you help me please?

The T.V's watching me and my control is in remote.
Grandpa's sucking carpet and the vacuum stole my coat.
The birds are smoking cocaine and my son lives in a nest.
My daughter just got neutered and my cat just got fake breasts, no help me please!

Yeah, T.V. rules the runs house now, Mr Cartwright is the boss.
Ginger's kissing Maryanne and I'm in love with Hoss.
Thurston Howell the third is lusting after Mary Tyler.
More is always less, that Mr. Douglas is a styler.
Green Acres is the place to be, that Eb is such a dork.
He hit Arnold the pig and so tonight we're eating pork, help me!

My coffee lost it's dentures and my father needs reheating.
My wife is always empty and my fridge is always eating.
The dust pan's playing marbles and the kids are in the sink.
And the heater won't quit farting and my mental health it stinks, now help me please!

My car went to the movies and I'm locked in my garage.
My bathroom went to art school, now I piss in a collage.
My blender stole my credit cards and bought some fancy duds.
Everyone has patriots but, all I have are scuds, help me please!

My carphone's on the pill and my girlfriend's got call waiting.
Satan's in the bagels and my toaster's masturbating, help me please!


KILKENNY MAN

Sure as I was born in Ireland, I was weaned on whiskey, but raised on gin.
Drinkin' so long as I was born, never been so high as a kite in a storm.

Hey, ho, whataya know, when you're outta good whiskey, get out on the road, on to Kilkenny where liquor is plenty and poeple are friendly wherever you go.
Hey, ho, whataya know, when your glass is empty, you're bound to go back on the job just to earn a few bob for good liquor and grub at the Kilkenny pub.

Well, I left home when I was twelve.
I was out on the road like a bat out of hell, looking for work in the county of Cork with a thick headed dummy named Paddy O'Rourke.

Hey, ho, whataya know... (Chorus)

Kickin' and splashin' and pissin' and cussin' and guzzlin' and laughin' and blowin' yer load, dancin' and singin' shilaylees are swingin' we're arm in arm as we're staggerin' home.
Diddley aye, diddley aye, diddley aye, aye.


YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME

I sit here all alone and I'm feeling green.
I press play on your damn phone machine.
His nasal whine follows me through the door.
His teeth are so nice.
They'd look good on the floor!

You should've told me, they should've told me.
Man! You should've told me after all those years I spent praying to you on my knees in my room back in Palm Springs.

I pull your letter box from beneath your bed.
And I look through the letters and all those lies he said 'bout how he would taste you and tempt you and tease you and twist you 'round like a circus balloon.
Heal you, feel you, and take your ass out to the zoo.

You should've told me... (Chorus)

I follow you down to the banks of the river.
I pull my razor from my boot as I shiver.
You turn around and, "Hey, it's a beautiful night!"
I hold the razor to your neck in the pale moonlight.

(Chorus)

Morning comes and the sun, it hurts my eyes.
I've long stopped hearing the sound of your muffled cries.
The water is pink and it moves with the tide.
Don't worry honey, I'm right here by your side.

(Chorus)

This can't be heaven, must've took a wrong turn, 'cause it sure feels like hell.


RUB SOMEBODY (THE RIGHT WAY)

I knew a man who came down from Kentucky.
And everyone would whisper, "Boy, he sure is lucky!"
He'd go to church every Sunday and have breakfast at Stucky's.
He rubbed somebody the right way.

And all I'm asking for you to do is live by this simple creed I give to you: Just take five minutes out of your day and rub somebody the right way.

Well, I knew a woman who could act like a girl.
She had the secret for peace in this world.
She'd stand on her porch with a baton she'd twirl, singing "Rub somebody the right way".

And all I'm askin' for you to do... (Chorus)

Now, I know there's times you're frustrated and low.
You'd like a shotgun to shoot down your foes.
You swam with your sorrows but, both of you drowned.
So, tighten your seatbelt, wipe off that frown.

(Chorus)

Time passes quick and you know how it goes.
You can open your heart.
You can turn up your nose.
You'll have much, much more fun if you make peace with your foes and rub somebody the right way.


ME AND EDDIE VEDDER

Houses of the Holy was an album by Led Zeppelin.
I bought it on eight track, not on C.D.
Fades out in the middle, the way an eight track's s'posed to.
The way an eight track's s'posed to.
I got the number thirteen tattooed on my bicep.
The thirteenth letter of the alphabet is the letter M.
Stands for Marijuana, the way that I oughta.
The elctric Koo-Aid Acid Test was a novel by Tom Wolfe.
It's about taking LSD and driving 'cross the country.
Drivin' in a school bus, a school bus on LSD.
The way an education oughta be.
I wanna drive a school bus over to the Brady's and pick up Alice and then we'll bake some brownies.
And, then I'll grab Marsha and play with her Ouija board and talk to Mr. Brady.
Houses of the Holy was a bitchin' f*ckin' album.
Bonzo kicks ass on it and then he chokes on his vomit.
The way a rockstar's s'posed to die, the way a rockstar's s'posed to die, the way a rockstar's s'posed to die.
I wanna die wasted in a room with Eddie Vedder.
We can both die together.
But, he'll go first, yeah Eddie'll go first, 'cause he's more famous, more famous than the Rugburns.
When you buy our coffins, put eight tracks in em' playin' Houses of the Holy 'cause it's a bitchin' f*ckin' album.
Remember when I told you? Remember how it fades out?
Remember when I told you?
Uno, dues, tres, quatro.

Taking the World by Donkey

TIL THE NEXT DAY COMES

She said warm up your heart sixty six more degrees.
Then maybe you wn't walk around like a human iceberg on your knees.

Then we could go together, baby, to see a big man with books.
He'll take your mental temperature, give you lots of dirty looks that last un

Til the next day comes, till the next day comes, til the next day comes.

She said, write me a song to prove our love is in full bloom.
Make it sound really popular, with more hooks than a coat room.

Til the next day comes... (Chorus)

She said open your mind and not the lousy T.V. set.
Then maybe you won't walk around like a three legged circus freak pet.

(Chorus)


WAR

May your Dad rest well down in hell tonight.
I never liked him much, but he gave me a bite of his hot dog, when we went golfing in San Clemente with Richard Nixon.

But, I was bored, so I prayed to the Lord.
Ha! Give me a war!
I'm so bored and I want more.
A real fucking war.

Well, I'm bored with Iran and I'm bored with Iraq, Egypt, Isreal and Yassir Arafat.
The Falklands was cool but, it was too damn short.
I want a real war 'cause, I built a bitchin' fort.

May your sister rest well in her bed tonight.
I never liked her much but, she made me feel good last Christmas in your Mum's station wagon.
Behind 7-11.
She was just fourteen!

But, I was bored... (Chorus)

Well, I'm bored with the Contras and Colonel Quadhafi.
The Ayatollah's dead but, he made really great coffee.
With my rifle in my arms, I feel really swell.
I wanna join the army and kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill!

May your uncle rest well in his cell tonight.
I never liked him much but, he took me down to Tijuana.
We drank tequila and watched your Mum dance at the Bambi Club.

(Chorus)


THE BALLAD OF TOMMY AND MARLA

Tommy was a Hessier from the valley.
He was burned out as a building from the riots.
He had a rockin' little girlfriend named Marla.
She was a cocktail waitress at The Pit.
Sometimes on the weekends, they'd ride jetskis and they'd take a little trailor to the river.
They'd bring along a T.V. to watch Rick Dees.
They smoked dope and snorted crystal meth.

Marla was as skinny as a fence post and the powder in the bag, it made her talk.
Sometimes she'd comb her hair like Charlie's Angels.
Sometimes she looked as weird as Mr. Spock.
Sometimes on the weekends they'd eat fast food and they'd take his El Camino to the desert.
They'd ride his motorcycles in the sand dunes.
They smoked dope and snorted crystal meth.

Tommy had a passion for firearms.
His confidence they really seemed to bolster.
He bought a ninety dollar pistol for his mar-mar.
She kept it in her little girlie holster.
Sometimes on the weekends they'd be fighting and Tommy thought his girl was telling lies.
He thought that she was thumpin' with the bass player, smoking all his dope and all his cystal meth.

Tommy started suffering from delusions after five nights without any sleep.
He rammed his fist through Marla's bedroom window.
He shoved his car keys through her dirty little teeth.
Marla got her finger on the trigger.
She grabbed her little Tommy by the hair.
The pistol was still smoking on the counter.
The sirens were screaming through the air, scream on and on.

Tommy was a Hessier from the valley.
He's just a memory of his burned out little world.
Marla's doing thirty years for murder.
She says she knows she's still his rockin' little girl.
And maybe up in heaven, they'll ride jetskis and scrawl their names upon the Golden Wall.
And maybe up in heaven they'll watch Rick Dees, smoke a little dope and snort some crystal meth.


NOW'S NOT THE RIGHT TIME FOR LOVE

Now's not the right time for love
because, I'm busy building an igloo in Alaska.
Perhaps if you had asked me last week,
I was redesigning China's political system.
And that's not easy.
There's so many people and all that rice, and all those bikes that don't think twice.
Well, there's so much left to do right here tonight.

And now's not the right time for love.
Hey, now's not the right time for love.

Now's not the right time for love because, I'm busy building a race track in Nebraska.
Perhaps if you had asked me last week, I was painting the Empire State Building.
And that's not easy from the top of a ladder, standing on the head of the Statue of Liberty with a high powered spraygun across the bay, hon.
There's so much left right here that needs to be done.

And now's not the right time for love... (Chorus)

Ddddddid you really think we'd stay together?
My ever changing moods will shift just like the weather.
I've got seven phone lines and they're ringing off the hook.
Hey, I'm trying to change the world and I got no time to look for love and

(Chorus)

Now's not the right time for love
because, I'm busy building an igloo in Alaska.
Perhaps if you had asked me last week, I was reorganizing the space system for NASA.
And that's not easy.
There's so many monkeys and all those hot dogs floating in the air, and cute guys with crew cuts naming stars,
but the gravity keeps pulling me back to the bars.

(Chorus)


YOU'RE SO BUSY (LA LA LA)

La la la la la. La la la la la. La la la la la.
I called you twenty seven times from Blythe while I was out on the road.
Your stupid sister always picks up the phone and says that you're not home.
I drink Ensure to try and make me look healthy but, I feel like a lightweight.
I try to talk real cool, try to act proud, but I still can't get a date.

You're so busy, you're so busy now I'm incoherent, feeling like a loser.
You're so busy, you're so busy, like a single parent in a nuclear winter.

You told me my weight was as good as gold and now I'm feeling real foolish. The ghost of all my loves are coming back to haunt me, now it feels really goolish.
I read the Art of War to try and get a battle plan but, I didn't get it.
I watch the talk shows and I listen to my therapists but, I still feel like shit.

You're so busy, you're so busy... (Chorus)

Maybe if I could just walk on water then you couldn't ignore me.
Or take a swan dive from twenty seven stories to finally set me free.
You give me one touch and then you cast me aside just like a piece of lumber.
When I call you and I try to get a date, you say here take a number.

(Chorus)


BETTER BE CAREFUL

I better be careful what I ask for 'cause I've been asking for an awful lot and baby, I better be careful what I look for, 'cause I've been looking for an awful lot.
I want to tim your leaves.
I want to trim your bush.
I want to marry you and baby, I want to carry you.

And so, I drive all around this city trying to find something but, there's nothing on the radio and so I reach deep inside your garden.
Wake up and I scream, "Man it must've been a dream!" but, there's no one there to hear me.

I better be careful... (Chorus)

Upside down on a flat horizon, belly to the sky, got tears in my eyes, with a voice like an angel, sweet as maple syrup, you can ride me like a horse, put your foot inside my stirrup.
I'll be there to help you up.
And we can ride down a long stretch of highway, moonin' all the truckers till we end up on a dirt road naked to the gods in the middle of the forest, there'll be no one there to bug us, there'll be no one there to bore us.

I'll build us a house and I'll make it out of toothpicks, plastic, wood and anything that I can touch.
A white picket fence with a two car garage, five band radio and toothpick dogs 'cause you know that I'm allergic.

(Chorus)


OLD LOVER'S HOUSE

I drove past my old lover's house last night at 3:00am. Her car was parked next to his so, I just honked my horn.

But, I'm looking for something new, something like you. And I'm wondering what I should do. Are you in the mood?

Last night, I had a fantasy you knocked upon my door. You lips were so farmiliar, you reached into my core.

I drove by my old lover's house... (Chorus)

Yellow street lamps light the night.
Lonely street corners sob and cry.
The car is silent.
I can hear my thoughts.
My belly is full but, my heart is not.

I fell to my knees in front of my bathroom mirror. My eyes were as hollow as the six o'clock news.

(Chorus)

I drove by my old lover's house last night at 3:00am.


TREE HUGGER

I'd rather have a shiitty girlfriend than a shiitty car.
If my girlfriend starts to get on my nerves, I can travel really far.
I'd rather have a shitty meal than a shitty resume, 'cause a totally awesome resume will feed me steak one day.
I'd rather have a shitty body than a shitty voice. On my body I can wear some clothes, but on my voice I have no choice.

Feed me peas and feed me corn and feed me wild oats.
Let's move to the hills together and raise some chickens and goats.
I don't need tofu if I've got you to help me forget those buggers, oh, we'll forget our differences and live like a couple of tree huggers.

The earth is polluted I can never walk barefoot, Ouch!
On earth day I was going to plant some trees but, I planted my arse on the couch.
I try to eat what's good for me but, I like Captain Crunch.
And an extra large snickers bar with a glass of Hawaiian Punch.
I was gonna join an ad-hoc committee but, I don't know what ad-hoc means.
I think it's a special kind of rock for stonewashed denim jeans.

Feed me peas and feed me corn... (Chorus)

I went to a special school for kids whose parents were Catholic.
On hot dog day we could wear what we wanted. I always ate four and got sick.
Once I kissed a girl behind the convent and I got really flustered.
I'll never forget the way she smelled, she tasted just like mustard. Now every time I go to the market and I reach the mustard row, I have to hurry up and leave or my crotch begins to grow.

(Chorus)

As a child, I was pretty sick, I could make my arm come out of it's socket. I used to like a girl scout once, she put her hand inside of my pocket.
I used to go to Church alot. I was an altar boy.
Got to ring the bells at Communion time, it gave me special joy.
I don't know what I believe in now. I'm filled with foggy guilt.
I'm too scared not to believe in God. I never touch myself under my quilt.

(Chorus)


THE GIRL WITH THE WANDERING EYE

Your friend with the subwoofer blew out my tweeter
At that biker party downtown
But that was OK 'cause he borrowed a fuse
From a leather-clad boy in the back
And after the cops and the requisite fight
Me and my friends we fell down for the night
And I made love to the girl with the wandering eye
I think my baby's got a wandering eye

I woke to the sound of a fist on my doorbell
With a headache the size of Peru
The landlord was scowling, my baby was toweling off
Beer mixed with blood from the floor
And after the eviction was handed to me
We moved to the trailer park, three by three
And I made love to the girl with the wandering eye
I think my baby's got a wandering eye

Ah, divided, unrequited, uninvited
We're short-sighted, but united in love
I think we're in love

I got a job at the Subway downtown
Making sandwiches with plastic gloves
Her Mother moved in and we all lived in sin
Playing miniature golf underground
And after the parties the leather-clad boys
Would square dance together and make lots of noise
And I'd make love to the girl with the wandering eye
I think my baby's got a wandering eye

Ah, divided, unrequited, uninvited
We're short-sighted, but united in love
I think we're in love

We borrowed a printing press, started a paper
To publish our leftist ideals
We spoke of a new world, the FBI soon heard
The phones were tap dancing too
And after the Feds and the requisite fight
We ran from the trailer in the middle of the night
And I had a child with the girl with the wandering eye
I think my baby's got a wandering eye
I think my baby's going to stay for a while

Ah, divided, unrequited, uninvited
We're short-sighted, but united in love
I think we're in love


MAMA

I like carpet and I like grass
I don't know what I'd lay on last
If I had my choice, I'd lay on you
Mama
Oh, mama

I like you, you are free
When we're apart I'm just not me
I'm like a chicken pot pie without the peas
Mama
Oh, mama

I like your car it is fast
I love it in the back when you grab my ass
I want to heat you up like a greasy bowl of chili
My mama, my mama, my mama
Yeah

You're so invigorating
I lose my inspiration
I sit here masturbating
Oh mama, my mama, my mama, my mama
Play it, honcho

I like art, it is fun
In the museum we got to hang us one
I want to hang you up on my wall like a crucifix
Mama, my mama, my mama, my ma-ma-ma-ma-mama

LOCKJAW

I look outside the sky is grey
And the clouds are filled with rain
It makes me jealous how it opens up
I'm stuck inside again
I'm like a sitcom polyester family
Inside my TV
I'm the boy in the bubble and you
Can't touch me
I'll never open up
I'm never coming out and

I fear every time when the government calls
I'm absent hiding in my closet
I feel like a news correspondent
Got lockjaw can't tell you that I love you
Got lockjaw can't tell you that I love you

I stand in the mirror and I pull my hair out
I can't control my thoughts
I wonder why my eyes are dry as a desert
My stomach's tied in knots
I'm like a freak show sitting on a sidewalk
My outline drawn in chalk, yeah
I freeze every time I hear the phone ring
I'll never hear you knock
I'll never open up
I'm never coming out and

I fear every time when the government calls
I'm absent hiding in my closet
I feel like a news correspondent
Got lockjaw can't tell you that I love you
Got lockjaw can't tell you that I love you

I thumb through magazines to garner love facts
Cosmo's got seven tips
I pick up the phone and I try to call you
No words just frozen lips, yeah
I send a message, but you know it's always cryptic
No sound on my TV yeah
I'm the boy in the bubble and you
Can't touch me
I'll never open up
I'm never coming out and

I fear every time when the government calls
I'm absent hiding in my closet
I feel like a news correspondent
Got lockjaw can't tell you that I love you
Got lockjaw can't tell you that I love you
Got lockjaw (can't tell you that I love you)
Got lockjaw (can't tell you that I love you)
I love you


SUBURBIA

I'm dancing naked on my street, in my neighborhood
And I just lost my job last week and I'm not feeling good
I think I'll go to Hiram's Guns and Liquor just for fun
And pick me up some whiskey and a shiny new black gun
Go down the road to K-Mart for the blue light special hour
And put the barrel to my head, it gives me special power
In Suburbia

My wife don't understand me, well she thinks that I'm a louse
She don't understand that there's a mortgage in this house
Her mother won't quit nagging, well she thinks that I'm a slave
I'd like to put a knife in her and send her to the grave
In Suburbia

Mommy, daddy, they can't help me anymore
Cousins, uncles, well they shove me out the door
Nobody can stop a man if he's got blinders on
Don't take away the spotlight on this special hour of fun
In Suburbia

In Suburbia the kids are always screaming half the night
The way they never go to sleep they must be smoking ice
In the morning when you wake up your car stereo's been nicked
It's the yuppie couple's kid next door, he's such a little prick
They say child abuse is bad, in this case I'd say it's legal
I'd like to chain him to his room and set fire to his beagle
In Suburbia

Mommy, daddy, they can't help me anymore
Cousins, uncles, well they shove me out the door
Nobody can stop a man if he's got blinders on
Don't take away the spotlight on this special hour of fun
In Suburbia

Joe Wilson down the road is fucking Henry Meuller's wife
And now he wants my daughter, I wish they'd stay out of my life
My son just got arrested, he's got pot leaves on his door
His favorite band's the Rugburns and he wants a fucking war
In Suburbia

Mommy, daddy, they can't help me anymore
Cousins, uncles, well they shove me out the door
Nobody can stop a man if he's got blinders on
Don't take away the spotlight on this special hour of fun
In Suburbia

I'm dancing naked on my street, in my neighborhood
And I just lost my job last week and I'm not feeling good
I think I'll go to Hiram's Guns and Liquor just for fun
And pick me up some whiskey and a shiny new black gun
Go down the road to K-Mart for the blue light special hour
And put the barrel to my head, it gives me special power
In Suburbia


PILE ON HANGOVER

Pile on the hangover just give it to me at once
Let it fall down like a curtain on my brain with a one, two punch
I know I was an ass and I drank too much, my life's a damn disgrace
Can't even stand to get up in the morning and look at my peaked face

The toilet bowl is my best friend, it got handles on the side
Sees my face more than my rear end, that's a fact I cannot hide
Circle-K burritos won't keep that liquor down
I guess I'll save my money and buy another round

Pile on the hangover just give it to me at once
Let it fall down like a curtain on my brain with a one, two punch
I know I was an ass and I drank too much, my life's a damn disgrace
Can't even stand to get up in the morning and look at my peaked face

I drank so much I thought I was God, it barely touched my teeth
I pissed so much my sword was hardly ever in it's sheath
I look at girls and they look at me and then they turn away
I order up another shot and then you'll hear me say

Pile on the hangover just give it to me at once
Let it fall down like a curtain on my brain with a one, two punch
I know I was an ass and I drank too much, my life's a damn disgrace
Can't even stand to get up in the morning and look at my peaked face

Betty Ford won't talk to me, she says my life's a waste
In the morning I'd agree with her, but my mouth is full of paste
I turned to God, He laughed at me, said "Hell's to good for you"
Since I've got a special place, guess I'll have another brew

Pile on the hangover just give it to me at once
Let it fall down like a curtain on my brain with a one, two punch
I know I was an ass and I drank too much, my life's a damn disgrace
Can't even stand to get up in the morning and look at my peaked face
Can't even stand to get up in the morning and look at my peaked face


DIRTY

Outside the wind is blowing
The waves are crashing fast
There's people running naked
I see a nameless ass
It's soft and pink and fleshy
So tender to the touch
I'll never get to grab it
My timing's never clutch
My ass is much too skinny
My legs are way too thin
I act like such a ninny
I'm all tanked up on gin
My view is so fantastic
I watch you pick your nose
I'm hiding in your bushes
You're taking off your clothes
I'm taking off my clothes

My grey matter
Is wired wrong, well I don't know
I'm on a limb now
I might smell clean, but I suppose
That I'm dirty
I'm so dirty

I flip through scented pages
There's numbers you can call
My hands are slightly shaking
I'm naked in your hall
I'm racing my libido
I'm twitching on the floor
You tell me you're excited
I pay three dollars more
I pay to hear you roar

My grey matter
Is wired wrong, well I don't know
I'm on a limb now
I might smell clean, but I suppose
That I'm dirty
I'm so dirty

I'm sitting in a theater
There's bodies here again
I hear the lustful breathing
The air is filled with sin
I'll fuck, but I won't make love
You can't expect too much
You make my anchor sweaty
I crave your tender touch
I pay for you to touch

My grey matter
Is wired wrong, well I don't know
I'm on a limb now
I might smell clean, but I suppose
That I'm dirty
I'm so dirty

My belly has a hunger
I'm sick and filled with shame
I eat, but I don't get full
I'll never know your name
I'll never know your name
I'll never know your name
I'll never know your name

My grey matter
Is wired wrong, well I don't know
I'm on a limb now
I might smell clean, but I suppose
That I'm dirty
I'm so dirty
I'm so dirty
I'm so dirty
I'm so dirty


MORNING SONG

One, two, three

Sun comes up through the window in the morning
The flowers say hello
I pour cold milk on hot oatmeal
Steam goes up my nose
Toaster bings
Microwave sings
Could I have another
Cup of Java, honey, baby, darling, sugar lumps?
Ah, honey, baby, darling, sugar bumps?
Shower feels nice and warm
On my little bitty tootsies
The shower makes me sing just like Ritchie Valens
Oh, could you, could you, could you, join me?
Hand me that towel, stop playing around
What are you doing there on the ground?
Barking like an Afghanistan lap dog
At the race track, come towards me, baby
Good morning, America
Good evening, Siberia
Is that a fax coming in?
From Rajavic, Iceland, ah-ooh
Must be cold
And I see the ocean out there
It must be cold
Let's crawl back in bed
Let's crawl back in bed
Let's crawl back in bed
Mmm-mmm


YOUR GHOST

Last night I looked for you
But you could not be found
I felt your ghost in my room
Dancin' all around
I tried to talk to you
But there was no reply
I sat up shaking in my bed and then I cried

I can't explain it
There's so much I could say to you
But so much is left unsaid
And there's nothing I can do
Nothing I can do

I played your song last night
And drank down my last beer
Skyway by Westerberg
But you weren't there to hear
I thought I saw an angel
With you in the back
But when they turned the lights down
Everything went black

I thought of your mom and dad
In your hometown
And your lovely sister
And it slowly broke me down
Only broke me down

I think of your sweet smile
And how perfectly it fit
To you the world was a cookie jar
And you had your hand in it
And I wish that I could take
All the guns in this sick place
And melt them into coins
By compassion for the human race

I know that it sounds cliché
But I'm tired of this violence
The view is much different
When you're inside of the fence
I'm on this side of this sick fence

Last night I looked for you
But you could not be found
I felt your ghost in my room
I tried to talk to you
But there was no reply
I sat up shaking in my bed
And then I cried
I sat up shaking in my bed


I HATE FUCKIN' CHRISTMAS

Dashin' through the snow

I hate fuckin' Christmas
Seems like it's one big have-to-do
Seems like everybody that you meet on the street
Keep singing Alle-fuckin'-lujah
Well the mistletoe on the ceiling
Really makes me wanna do you

On Christmas it's hard to find cocaine
Now it seems that I can't get out of bed
All these dickheads in their white shirts on my tv
Saying please don't drink and drive
Well that's a pretty good advice
Cuz you just might spill your drink

Christmas is the time for stealing presents
Out from underneath your neighbour's tree
Looks like little Johnny just won't get his
Teenage mutant Ninja Turtle
But I better wear a rubber
Cuz that turtle might be fertile

Today I think I'll screw my brother's girlfriend
All he ever does is go to work
When he goes downtown
To buy the dead bird, who's the fuckin' turkey ?
I hate fuckin' Christmas



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